March 5 2017

Shadows of Paxlair – by the NBTT

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR (ominous tone)
You pass by them every day as you go about your business, never giving a thought to what they do and say when you’re not around. Time for us to take a look at the other side of PaxLair…

The New Britannia Theater Troupe
Presents
Shadows of PaxLair

Directed and Produced by Asclepius

Writer: Gabriel Nightshadow
Based on characters created by Womby

Music Supervisor and Director of Public Relations:
Amber Raine

Technical Consultant:
Sir Stile Teckel

Voice Cast
Lord Baldrith as Fred and Guard Edward Peterson (Obsidian Soldier)
Doctor Shroud as Harry and Town Crier Ray Menderson (aka Oracle Agent Harkness)
Margaritte as Sarah (Oracle Agent)
Sophi as Alisha Zorell (Obsidian Assassin)
Lady Adnor as Guard Captain Robin Jenson (aka Oracle Agent Walker)
and Cooking Merchant Stephanie Thorenson (Obsidian Agent)
Cordelayne Valkaris as Pet Merchant John Robertson (aka Obsidian mage Camulus Dar) and Guard # 2
Majoria as Crafting Merchant Linda Leeson (Defense Attorney)
Celith as Guard Nathan Jenson (aka Oracle Agent McQuade) and Guard Harry Darkwolf
Stryker Sparhawk as Nash, assistant bartender at Wody’s, and Dagnar
Amber Raine as Marissa (Dagnar’s wife), and Guard Sergeant
Static Grazer as Han Becker (Cargo ship captain)
with
Jynx as the Oracle and Banker Marcia Woodson (Prosecutor)
Apollox Evenheart as the Magistrate Ian McMaster (aka Oracle Senior Agent, John Smith)
and
Asclepius as the Obsidian Mage, D’Var, and the Narrator
Special cameo appearance by Amber Raine as Herself and Young Chariya

(Insert music track.)

Scene I

NARRATOR
The following day after the events of A Conversation in PaxLair proves to be a hot one, and Fred, Harry, and Sarah have been busy hawking their wares…

FRED
Harry, what do you say we close up for an hour and head over to Wody’s to grab a bite for lunch?

HARRY
Sounds like an excellent idea, Fred!

SARAH (seductively)
Um…Harry, you were simply amazing last night! Care to have another go at it tonight after work?

HARRY (flustered)
Yes, Sarah, last night was fantastic, but tonight I am playing cards with the boys. Um…perhaps Thursday night?

NARRATOR
Sarah walks over and whispers in Harry’s ear. His face immediately turns bright red.

SARAH (purring seductively)
I am SO looking forward to it, lover…

FRED (excited)
Harry, you old dog! Talk about living dangerously! If Gertrude finds out what you have been up to, she is going to make sure you regret it. Come, let us discuss this over a few ales at Wody’s!

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR
Magistrate Ian McMaster enters the marketplace and walks over to Sarah’s stall.

SARAH
Your honor, it is good to see you this fine summer day! Would you be interested in purchasing some of my sweet cinnamon buns?

NARRATOR
The magistrate examines Sarah’s buns with great interest.

MAGISTRATE (whispering)
What do you have to report, Agent Sarah?

SARAH (whispering)
Senior Agent Smith, as instructed I ran into the subject, Harry, at Wody’s last night, seduced him, and brought him to my place for questioning after lovemaking.

MAGISTRATE
What were you able to learn?

SARAH (whispering)
Harry and Fred appear to use their gift for gab to con others into giving them money, but I think they are more than simple con men. Harry seemed to know a lot more about the Obsidians than an average person would and even mentioned that one of his ancestors was a mid-level official in the Obsidian hierarchy…

MAGISTRATE (whispering)
That is very interesting news, agent Sarah. Continue to ply the subject for information.

NARRATOR
Sarah nods.

MAGISTRATE (normal volume)
Sarah, I love your soft, luscious buns! I think I will take these two.

NARRATOR
The Magistrate hands over twelve gold coins to Sarah, which is far more than the cost of the cinnamon buns.

SARAH
Thank you, Magistrate! Have a good day!

MAGISTRATE
A good day to you as well, Sarah!

NARRATOR
The Magistrate heads towards the courthouse.

SARAH (yelling)
Sweet cinnamon buns! Come and get them before they run out! Only one gold a piece!

END OF SCENE I

NARRATOR

SCENE II

Meanwhile, two strangers have arrived in PaxLair …

TOWN CRIER (cheerful)
Travelers, welcome to the metropolis of PaxLair, which is under the leadership of the honorable Governor Winfield. I am Raymond Menderson, the Town Crier, but everyone just calls me Ray. How can I be of assistance to you today?

ALISHA
Hello, Ray. My name is Salia Eramar and this is my elderly father, Boral. We are here in PaxLair to visit my cousin, Fred. I believe he operates a produce stand in the Market Square. I wonder if you could direct us there…

TOWN CRIER
Certainly! Walk straight ahead, then make a right turn at that water fountain. That is the Market Square.

NARRATOR
The travelers are intercepted by Guard Captain Robyn Jenson and Guard Nathan jenson.

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON (serious tone)
I don’t recognize you two. State the nature of your business here!

ALISHA
Yes, as I was explaining to Ray, my father and I are here in PaxLair to visit my cousin, Fred, who operates a produce stand in the Market Square.

GUARD NATHAN JENSON
Sis, I don’t remember Fred ever mention having a cousin or uncle before…

D’VAR
I am not surprised that he failed to mention us. The fact is, we have not seen Fred since he moved away from Greystone fifteen years ago after his parents died in that tragic barn fire…

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
I see…Very well then, you may proceed. Enjoy your stay here in PaxLair!

ALISHA
Thank you! Have a nice day!

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
So, Agent Harkness, do you think those two were telling the truth?

TOWN CRIER
They were lying through their teeth, Agent Walker! I know for a fact that Fred was raised in an orphanage in Kingsport after being abandoned on their doorstep thirty years ago. And those two travelers seemed strangely familiar. I think they may be Obsidian agents…

GUARD ROBIN JENSON
Hmm…why would two Obsidians be here to see Fred? Perhaps he and his friend Harry are indeed Obsidian spies sent here to PaxLair to stir up trouble! You never know who you can trust these days… Agent McQuade will continue to tail them while I confer with Senior Agent Smith. Good work, Agent Harkness!

TOWN CRIER (cheerful)
Thank you, Agent Walker!

NARRATOR
END OF SCENE II

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR
SCENE III

A few moments later, just outside the barn located near the Town Crier…

ALISHA
Look father, over there in that barn…it’s a purple llama!

PET MERCHANT
Hello, my name is John Robertson, pet merchant for PaxLair. How can I be of assistance to you today, miss?

ALISHA
That purple llama looks so sad. I must have him! How much do you want for him?

PET MERCHANT
Well, as you know, a purple llama is a rare find indeed. I could not part with him for less than 50,000 gold!

ALISHA (pleading)
Please father…

D’VAR
Very well, my child. I will purchase the purple llama for you. Unfortunately, we can not take possession of the llama until we are ready to leave PaxLair in a couple of days. Is it possible to keep him boarded here until then?

PET MERCHANT
That can be arranged for an additional fee. Please come inside the barn and I will draw up the proper ownership papers.

NARRATOR
The PET MERCHANT, ALISHA, and D’VAR walk over to the barn and engage in conversation. GUARD NATHAN JENSON moves a bit closer in an attempt to eavesdrop on them. He does not notice GUARD EDWARD PETERSON sneak up behind him.

GUARD NATHAN JENSON
Hmm…this seems rather suspicious. I can’t imagine anyone spending that much money on a llama, even if it is a purple one. Perhaps the pet merchant is another Obsidian spy…

GUARD EDWARD PETERSON
Hey Nathan!

NARRATOR
GUARD NATHAN JENSON turns around.

GUARD NATHAN JENSON
What?

(Insert “Strong Punch” sound effect, followed by “Fall” sound effect).

PET MERCHANT
Good work, Brother Edward! That Oracle agent was getting a bit too nosy…

GUARD EDWARD PETERSON
Should I dispose of him?

NARRATOR

COOKING MERCHANT STEPHANIE THORENSEN walks over and stands next to PET MERCHANT JOHN ROBERTSON.

COOKING MERCHANT
No. Use the secret underground tunnel here in the barn and take him to the holding area underneath my store. He is unsuitable as a sacrifice for the ritual, but I can use him to make more shepherd’s pies for farmer Vincent to sell to Wody. Apparently, my special blend of herbs and spices have made them the most popular item on the menu. Even Lord British himself remarked how tasty they are on his last visit here! The assistant bartender, Nash, told me that they have had trouble keeping it in stock mainly because both the lich lord, Ravicus Domdred, and the High Priestess of Chaos, Amber Raine, eagerly consume several of the pies every day!

GUARD EDWARD PETERSON
Yes, Sister Stephanie! Uh…he’s kind of heavy…

NARRATOR
GUARD EDWARD PETERSON slings the unconscious GUARD NATHAN JENSON over his right shoulder and enters the barn.

PET MERCHANT
Now that we have some privacy, it is good to see you again, Master D’Var!

D’VAR
As it is good to see you, Camulus Dar, my former apprentice! How go the preparations for the ritual?

PET MERCHANT (apologetic)
All is ready, Master D’Var ! I regret that the animal sacrifices and my meager mystical skills have proven insufficient to cast the spell…

COOKING MERCHANT
Aye, Governor Winfield has grown suspicious of the number of animal carcasses that have been turning up in the river. A short while ago, I heard Sean Silverfoot ask Themo Lock and Gaelis Trajan to organize a search of the sewer system to try and determine who is responsible for the illegal dumping. Themo Lock said that the search will take place tomorrow morning.

PET MERCHANT
Sister Stephanie and Brother Edward have proven quite successful in disguising themselves and then seducing and drugging a dozen unsuspecting male and female travelers at both Wody’s Tavern and The Bear Tavern. They have been bringing them to the underground holding area where they have been kept alive until you are able to use them as sacrifices in the ritual.

D’VAR
You have done well, Camulus! According to my calculations, we should conduct the ritual this evening when the shattered fragments of Daedalus and the planets are aligned. Will that be a problem?

PET MERCHANT
No, Master D’Var. According to Sister Wind Silvermoon, Governor Winfield and his friends will be fishing at the waterfall at that hour. As I informed you, by casting suspicion on those two merchants, Fred and Harry, through the planting of evidence and that cover story regarding your visit, the agents of the Oracle have focused their efforts on them and are oblivious to our endeavor.

ALISHA
Hmm…will the dwarf, Lord Blake Blackstone, and the lich lord, Ravicus Domdred, be among those fishing with Winfield?

PET MERCHANT
Why yes, they most certainly will. Why do you ask, Alisha?

ALISHA (angry)
I seek to avenge my fallen sisters! When their forces attacked our secret base in Celestis, at least the dwarf fought with honor! Although gravely wounded, from my hiding place, I saw the lich lord eagerly consume the flesh of my dead sisters, leaving nothing for me to bury but gnawed bones…

D’VAR
Patience, my dear Alisha! Once the ritual is over, there will be an opportunity for you to get revenge against the dwarf and the lich lord for destroying the Dakari Sisterhood of Assassins…

ALISHA
Yes, Master…

D’VAR
The agents of the Oracle will not realize what we are up to until it is too late, and PaxLair will be ours!

NARRATOR
END OF SCENE III

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR

SCENE IV

Meanwhile, in the secret Oracle confirmatory located beneath the recently constructed PaxLair Courthouse, Magistrate Ian McMaster is kneeling before an altar…
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON enters from the left and approaches him.

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Sorry to disturb your meditation, Senior Agent Smith, but I have urgent news to report…

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE gets up and turns to face GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON. The two embrace and exchange a passionate kiss.

MAGISTRATE
No need to be so formal when we’re alone, my darling Robin…

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Ok, Ian. Two suspected Obsidian operatives have entered the city and are attempting to make contact with Fred and Harry…

NARRATOR
The wall behind the altar begins to shimmer and the image of the Oracle suddenly appears!
Both the MAGISTRATE and GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON immediately kneel before the altar.

MAGISTRATE and GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSEN
Mighty Oracle!

ORACLE (heard, but not seen)
This is most disturbing news. I know of the two of whom you speak. The elderly man is the mage D’Var, a high ranking member of the banned Obsidian group known as the Order of the Ebon Dawn. It is said he was an apprentice to the powerful mage Lorin Dar. The young female is his personal bodyguard, Alisha Zorrell, the last surviving member of the Dakari Sisterhood of Assassins…
Senior Agent John Smith, see to it that all four Obsidians are apprehended and brought in for interrogation. We must learn about the extent of their operations here on the mainland of Novia. The Obsidians must not be allowed to rise again and disrupt the order I have brought to the people…

MAGISTRATE and GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
We will do as you ask, mighty Oracle! We exist to serve!

NARRATOR
The image of the Oracle vanishes from the wall.
Both the MAGISTRATE and GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON rise and turn to face each other.

MAGISTRATE
Assemble two teams and apprehend the four Obsidian operatives. Use discretion, as we don’t want Governor Winfield or his friends to become aware of our activities…

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Understood, sir.

NARRATOR
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON nods and then turns to leave.

END OF SCENE IV

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR

SCENE V

A short time later, at Wody’s Bar…

NASH, the assistant bartender at Wody’s is standing behind the tavern counter. The CRAFTING MERCHANT and BANKER are seated at one of the tables. FRED and HARRY are seated at another.

CRAFTING MERCHANT (whispering)
Umm… that produce vendor Fred is really good looking…Is he single?

BANKER (whispering)
Linda, you don’t want to get involved with him! He’s got a real reputation as a womanizer…

CRAFTING MERCHANT (whispering, disappointed)
Oh, what a pity…I was hoping to put my riding crop to good use tonight…

NARRATOR
The crafting merchant suddenly has a devilish smile on her face. The banker nods in agreement.

BANKER
Well, if it’s excitement you crave, I guess we could pay a midnight visit to the exclusive SHADOWFIRE CLUB in the basement of Gabriel’s home this evening. I hear that he has made some noticeable improvements to the décor in the Dungeon Room on the fifth level…

CRAFTING MERCHANT
That sounds like an excellent idea! So Marcia, what do you think of the new magistrate?

BANKER
Well, Linda, even I have to admit that he does seem pretty harsh. As you are well aware, he’s sent many of your clients to the guillotine…

CRAFTING MERCHANT
Yes, I’ve heard that the mysterious executioner has to sharpen the guillotine blade on a daily basis. I am beginning to regret accepting Governor Winfield’s request to fill the position of Defense Attorney.

BANKER
Well, Linda, the truth is, no one else was willing to accept the position, especially once they heard that “The Decapiter” was going to be the new presiding judge…

CRAFTING MERCHANT
Do they really call him that, Marcia? What is his background anyway?

BANKER
I am not sure, Linda. All I know is that he came highly recommended to Governor Winfield. I will be so glad when our permanent replacements arrive from Brittany next week. Even doing this part-time has really made it difficult to run my business.

CRAFTING MERCHANT
I know what you mean, Marcia. I’ve had to hire two assistants to cover for me at the shop when I am facing off against you in court. It’s costing me a fortune…

BANKER
Well, if we are lucky, there won’t be any major trials for the rest of the week!

CRAFTING MERCHANT
I will most definitely drink to that!

NARRATOR
As the CRAFTING MERCHANT and BANKER have a drink, NASH steps out from behind the counter and walks over to FRED and HARRY’s table.

NASH (apologetic)
Fred, Harry, sorry it took me so long to get to you. As you know, Wody is still away on vacation, and Chun Li is tending to her and Ryu’s sick son. It’s just me covering the floor until Cammy comes in to start her shift in four hours…
So what can I get for you two today?

FRED
I think I will have the fish and chips and a mug of Fire Mountain ale.

HARRY
I will have the shepherd’s pie and a mug of Fire Mountain ale.

NASH
Harry, you don’t realize how lucky you are! I have one shepherd’s pie left. My supplier promises to have more for me tomorrow morning…
I’ll have Ryu start on those right away!

NARRATOR
NASH walks back behind the counter and turns his head toward the kitchen.

NASH (yelling)
One WINFIELD SPECIAL and one shepherd pie, Ryu!

NARRATOR
NASH turns back to the patrons sitting at the counter.

NASH
So, any of you guys need another drink?

FRED
So tell me, HARRY. How did an average looking, middle-aged guy like you get someone as young and beautiful like Sarah interested in you? Geez, she’s like half of your age!

HARRY
What can I say, Fred? Some women prefer someone with experience and stamina!

FRED
Yeah, right Harry! You know it is only a matter of time before the old ball and chain finds out…

HARRY
I only have to wait a couple more days. On Thursday, Gertrude is travelling to Braemar in the Hidden Vale to visit her ill cousin, Morgana. She will be gone at least three weeks…

FRED
You’re playing with fire, my old friend! Gertrude is not a fool like Dagnar is. She is probably already suspicious about all of these late nights you and I have been having with our old friend, Han, the cargo ship captain, and that fellow, Lando, these past few weeks…You know, for an Outlander, Lando seems like a pretty cool guy. I am really enjoying this Earth card game he introduced us to. What is it called again?

HARRY
I believe he called it “No Limit Texas Hold ‘Em Poker”. Hmm…of course, you like it Fred, you been winning quite a bit in these semiweekly poker tournaments. I haven’t been so lucky…

FRED
Cheer up, buddy! I’m sure that you will have much better luck tonight.

NARRATOR
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON and GUARDS HARRY DARKWOLF and # 2 enter the tavern and walk up to Fred and Harry’s table and surround it.

FRED
Is there something we can help you with, Guard Captain Jenson?

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Both of you will accompany us to the courthouse immediately for questioning with regard to a highly delicate matter. Come along quietly or there will be trouble…

FRED
May I ask what this in regard to?

NARRATOR
Shouting is heard from outside as the guards spot ALISHA and DVAR and begin pursuing them.

(Insert “Flashbang” sound effect)

NARRATOR
The guards are temporarily stunned by a flashbang grenade thrown by ALISHA. A GUARD SERGEANT enters the tavern. GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON turns to face her.

GUARD SERGEANT (apologetic)
Guard Captain Jenson, the other two Obsidians have managed to elude us! We think they may have escaped into the sewer system! Also, your brother seems to have disappeared…

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON (angry)
What?! This is totally unacceptable! Sergeant, take guards McDonnell, Simpson, Watkins, Reed, Fowler, Gunderson, and Coltrane and begin a search of the sewer system. Have guards Hill, Koch, Fury, Ross, Johnson, Caffrey, Scott, and Hays begin a discreet aboveground search. I will deal with these two suspected Obsidian agents personally…

GUARD SERGEANT
Yes, Guard Captain!

NARRATOR
The GUARD SERGEANT salutes CAPTAIN JENSON, then turns and exits the tavern.
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON turns back towards FRED and HARRY and glares at them. Both FRED and HARRY exchange quick glances with each other as they realize the seriousness of the situation.

HARRY
Um…I’m sure we can discuss all of this at the courthouse, Guard Captain Jenson. Of course, neither one of us wants any trouble.

NARRATOR
Both FRED and HARRY get up and accompany the guards as they exit the tavern. The BANKER and CRAFTING MERCHANT get up from their table.

CRAFTING MERCHANT (sighing)
Oh well, so much for that…

BANKER
See you at the courthouse!

NARRATOR
END OF SCENE V

(Insert music track.)

SCENE VI
NARRATOR
After being separately questioned by Guard Captain Robin Jenson and her second in command, Guard Lieutenant Malcolm Daniels, for several hours, Fred and Harry continue to deny that they are Obsidian agents plotting against the Oracle. As night falls and Governor Winfield and his friends go fishing at the waterfall, Magistrate Ian McMaster calls for a bench trial (i.e., one in which no jury is involved) and closes it to the public. Both the prosecutor and defense attorney find this highly suspicious, but know better than to object.

Let us peek in on the trial…

PROSECUTOR
So, Captain Becker, how do you know the two defendants? I remind you that you are under oath. Failure to tell the truth will render your plea agreement null and void.

HAN BECKER
Well, I’ve been helping Fred and Harry smuggle Shamizar to the mainland from the Hidden Vale for the past five years….

PROSECUTOR
Shamizar? I have never heard of that substance. Could you please explain to the court what that is?

HAN BECKER
Certainly. It is a fine pink powder made up of a few substances, but primarily sheep intestines. When mixed with an alcoholic beverage, it causes a chemical reaction which transforms the beverage into a powerful aphrodisiac. Since it can be used for illicit purposes, plus the fact that it requires five sheep intestines to produce one ounce of Shamizar, it is a banned substance. The guards in Owls Head have been cracking down lately on those who slaughter their precious sheep for this purpose. The drug is manufactured in a secret underground laboratory located in Owls Head and then transported by land to Kingsport. I ferry the goods from there to PaxLair once a month. My partners Fred and Harry unload it late at night and then transport it through the underground sewer system to their secret storage room in order to avoid detection by the city guards.

PROSECUTOR
I see. Is there a great demand for this drug?

HAN BECKER
Oh yes! The drug is highly sought after by the rich and powerful here in PaxLair and goes for about 5,000 gold per ounce these days.

PROSECUTOR
So I imagine that you, Fred, and Harry have gotten quite wealthy from the sales of this banned substance?

HAN BECKER
Well, I have. Fred and Harry seem to blow most of their gold on wine, women, and gambling.

PROSECUTOR
I see. I guess this gives us some insight into their moral character, doesn’t it, Captain Becker?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
I object! This calls for speculation on the part of the witness!

MAGISTRATE
Objection sustained. Do you have any further questions from this witness?

PROSECUTOR
No, your Honor!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
I have no questions for this witness.

MAGISTRATE
Witness is dismissed!

MAGISTRATE
Bring in the next witness!

NARRATOR

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF escorts DAGNAR to the witness stand.

PROSECUTOR
Please state your name for the record.

DAGNAR
My name is Dagnar Vykris.

PROSECUTOR
How do you know the two defendants?
DAGNAR
I’m an importer of fine clothing, art, and jewelry for the wealthy here in PaxLair.

PROSECUTOR
Hmm…and how would you be acquainted with two lowly Market Square vendors?

DAGNAR
Please…Fred and Harry are two of my best customers!

PROSECUTOR
Oh really? The guards did not find any such items in a search of either of their premises.

DAGNAR
That’s because they keep it all stashed away in their secret love nests where they entertain their “lady friends”.

PROSECUTOR
So didn’t you find it odd that the two defendants could afford to spend so lavishly?

DAGNAR
At first I did, but Fred explained to me that he and his friend Harry are both well-paid covert Oracle operatives. Recently, they had been directed to observe the activities of my neighbor, Robert Sebastian, the new night shift bartender at the Bear Tavern. Mr. Sebastian is suspected of being a member of a banned Obsidian group trying to gather support for an insurrection against the Oracle.

PROSECUTOR
I see. That is why he had to enter your apartment on a daily basis?

DAGNAR
Oh yes! Fred has been observing Mr. Sebastian’s activities at home though a small hole drilled in my bedroom wall, while his fellow operative Harry has been observing his activities when is out and about PaxLair. Fred has giving me frequent updates on the evil Obsidian plot.

PROSECUTOR
How interesting…Did Fred provide you with any official credentials to prove he was an Oracle operative?

DAGNAR
Well, no he didn’t, but I’ve known both Fred and Harry for years. They wouldn’t lie to me about something this serious!

PROSECUTOR
So you took Fred at his word. The truth is you don’t know for sure if Fred was making up the whole story and is, in fact, a clever liar!

DAGNAR
Uh…no, I can’t say that with 100% certainty…

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
I object! The prosecutor is besmirching the defendant’s reputation without any proof…

PROSECUTOR
I will be providing that proof very shortly with my next witness…

MAGISTRATE
Very well then. Objection is overruled! Please continue, prosecutor…

PROSECUTOR
Thank you, your Honor. I have no further questions for this witness.

MAGISTRATE
The witness is dismissed.

MAGISTRATE
Bring in the next witness.

NARRATOR
GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF escorts MARISSA to the witness stand.

PROSECUTOR
Please state your name for the record.

MARISSA
My name is Marissa Vykris, wife of Dagnar Vykris.

PROSECUTOR
Can you collaborate the testimony provided by your husband?

MARISSA
Yes, indeed! I would like to add that Fred did show me a golden medallion which indicated his authority as an agent of the Oracle.

NARRATOR
The PROSECUTOR pulls out a large golden coin out of his pocket and shows it to MARISSA.

PROSECUTOR
Is this the medallion which he showed you?

MARISSA
Why, yes it is…

PROSECUTOR
Well, I have been in contact with the Oracle’s new ambassador, who has provided me with a signed affidavit which states that this is not a badge of authority, but rather a commemorative golden Oracle coin which has been minted by Sir Frank for the upcoming Reaffirmation Celebration. I am not sure how Fred managed to obtain one of these ahead of time, but he clearly lied about being an agent of the Oracle…

MARISSA (in shock)
Oh my…

PROSECUTOR
How much time has Fred been spending observing your neighbor’s activities?

MARISSA
Fred stops by every morning and spends about three hours peering through the hole in our bedroom wall and recording my neighbor’s activities in his journal.

NARRATOR
The PROSECUTOR steps back a few steps and then points his finger at MARISSA.

PROSECUTOR (loud voice)
That is a lie! Isn’t it true that you and Fred are carrying on an illicit affair behind your husband’s back?

MARISSA (pleading)
No…that’s not true!

NARRATOR
The PROSECUTOR pulls out a piece of parchment and waves it in front of MARISSA’s face.

PROSECUTOR
I have a sworn statement here from night shift dockworker Richard Long, who lives in the row house directly across the street from yours. Using his spyglass, he has observed you and Fred having sex every day soon after your husband leaves for work in the morning. What do you have to say for yourself?

(MARISSA starts CRYING)

MARISSA
Yes, I admit I have been sleeping with Fred, but I had no choice! The first day after my husband left for work, Fred said that he had lusted after me for quite some time and then threatened to implicate Dagnar in the Obsidian plot if I didn’t start sleeping with him! I love my husband and would do anything to protect him! If Fred lied about being an agent of the Oracle, then it was all for nothing…I am so ashamed of myself…

(MARISSA starts CRYING again)

NARRATOR
FRED suddenly stands up and points at MARISSA.

FRED (yelling)
That’s a lie! She was the one who tried to seduce me!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Sit down, Fred!

NARRATOR
DAGNAR rises from his seat in the audience.

DAGNAR (angry yelling)
You bastard! I treated you like a brother! How dare you blackmail my wife into having sex with you! Die!

NARRATOR
DAGNAR pulls out a dagger and charges toward the stage!

MAGISTRATE
Guards, stop him!

NARRATOR
GUARDS HARRY DARKWOLF and # 2 enter the gallery and block DAGNAR’s path.

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF (growling)
Drop the dagger, Dagnar!

NARRATOR
Dagnar is the only one to notice that the guard’s eyes turn crimson red for an instant and he seems to have unusually sharp canine teeth. This triggers a memory from his youth in Ardoris…

(Note to Narrator: This flashback scene is pulled directly from The Avatar Chronicles I: Return of the Avatar, so you can reuse most of the audio. Slight changes in dialogue which need to be recorded are in italics.)

(Insert “Innocence” by Eliot Corley)

“Please give me back my ball!”, asked the young girl.

“I don’t think so!”, said one of the boys, passing it to one of his friends. The second boy taunted the girl by holding the ball in front of him. As the girl reached for the ball, he suddenly pulled it back beyond her reach and then tossed the ball to a third friend.
Young Dagnar held the ball out, just above the girl’s head. The little girl jumped up to get it, but the boy suddenly held it high above his head, beyond her reach! The little girl jumped up again, but to no avail. Dagnar and his two friends started laughing.

The little girl looked like she was about to cry, when the young High Priestess of Chaos, Amber Raine, and her pet wolf, Mori Tura, walked up.

Amber glared at the boys and said, “Give the little girl her ball back!”

Mori Tura started growling.

The three boys suddenly looked very nervous. Dagnar handed the ball back to the little girl.

“Now leave! And if I ever catch you bothering this little girl again, you will surely regret it!”, said Amber, as Mori Tura eyes suddenly turned bright red and he bared all of his sharp, pearly white teeth.

Dagnar cried out, “Ah, it’s some sort of …

(End of flashback sequence.)

DAGNAR (whispering)
…demon wolf!

NARRATOR
Guard Harry Darkwolf smiles upon hearing this. A very nervous Dagnar slowly begins to wet his pants.

GUARD # 2
We realize that you’re upset, Dagnar, but this is not the way to handle it. We don’t want to hurt you, but we will if necessary…

DAGNAR (whimpering, as he looks at Guard Harry Darkwolf)
Uh…OK…I don’t want any trouble…

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF (low growling)
A wide decision on your part, Dagnar…

NARRATOR
GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF turns to face Guard # 2.

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF
I can handle this.

NARRATOR
Guard # 2 nods and returns to his post. GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF escorts the frightened DAGNAR in between the bleachers while FRED sits back down.

DAGNAR (frightened)
Please don’t hurt me…

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF (threatening)
I won’t…as long as you keep my little secret. I must remain close to my beloved Amber so I can protect her from her many enemies…Her fiance, that wimpy playwright Gabriel Nightshadow, is useless in a fight!

(GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF snorts in disgust.)

DAGNAR (frightened)
I promise to keep quiet…

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF (threatening)
Good. Remember, I know where you live, Dagnar…

NARRATOR
A frightened DAGNAR quickly turns and leaves the area while GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF returns to his post.

HARRY (whispering to FRED)
This is not going well for us. The testimony provided by our friend, Han, proves that we are drug smugglers. Furthermore, the testimony which Sarah and the guards who searched my row house provided earlier was even more damning. The journals left to me by my late grandfather make it look like I carrying on his work as an Obsidian agent…and being painted as an adulterer doesn’t help either…

FRED (whispering to HARRY)
No kidding! I look even worse. Hey, lady, you’re supposed to be our defense attorney. Do something!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY (whispering)
Badgering a crying woman isn’t going to help your case, Fred. It’s her word against yours, and her credibility is a lot higher…

FRED (moaning)
This can’t get any worse…

PROSECUTOR
I have no further questions from this witness, your Honor…

MAGISTRATE
Does the defense attorney have any questions for the witness?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
No, your Honor…

MAGISTRATE
Very well then. The witness is dismissed.

MAGISTRATE
Bring in the next witness.

NARRATOR
GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF escorts the TOWN CRIER to the witness stand and then returns to his post.

PROSECUTOR
Please state your name for the record.

TOWN CRIER
My name is Ray Menderson. I’m the town crier.

PROSECUTOR
Are you acquainted with the two defendants?

TOWN CRIER
I sure do! I have known both Fred and Harry for over fifteen years. They’re really great guys!

PROSECUTOR
I see… Is it not true that two strangers arrived in PaxLair earlier today looking for Fred?

TOWN CRIER
Yes, a very attractive young woman and an elderly fellow claiming to be Fred’s cousin and uncle, respectively. I found that to be rather suspicious because when I first met Fred, he told me that he was an orphan and had no living relatives…

NARRATOR
The PROSECUTOR pulls out two wanted posters and shows them to the TOWN CRIER.

PROSECUTOR
Were these the two people in question?

TOWN CRIER
Yes, I believe so. The resemblance is uncanny…

PROSECUTOR
The TOWN CRIER has just identified two wanted criminals – D’Var, a powerful mage and high ranking member of the banned Obsidian group known as the Order of the Ebon Dawn, and Alisha Zorell, his personal bodyguard and assassin. Now why would a high ranking Obsidian official be here in PaxLair to visit Fred, a lowly produce vendor? There can be only one possible explanation…

NARRATOR
The PROSECUTOR turns towards FRED and points at him.

Fred is the leader of a covert Obsidian cell operating here in PaxLair! He and his second in command, Harry, are trying to recruit people to their cause by spreading lies and rumors about the Oracle!

NARRATOR
Both FRED and HARRY stand up immediately.

FRED (protesting)
No, that is not true!

HARRY
I don’t know why those two travelers lied about us, but I swear that FRED and I are just two loyal, hard working citizens!

PROSECUTOR
I think not! I urge the court to find these two guilty of treason and sentence them to death by beheading!

NARRATOR

HARRY turns toward the DEFENSE ATTORNEY.

HARRY
Damn it, you’re our defense attorney! Say something! Our lives are on the line…

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Sit down, you two! This is not helping your case…

NARRATOR
Both FRED and HARRY reluctantly sit down as the DEFENSE ATTORNEY stands up.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
While I admit that the prosecutor has presented a very compelling case, the fact is that all of the evidence is circumstantial. None of the evidence directly links my two clients to the two Obsidian agents in question. While it is true that my clients may not be of the highest moral character, there is nothing in their past actions which suggests that they are guilty of treason. I urge the court to find them not guilty and let them return to being productive members of the PaxLair community…

MAGISTRATE
I will consider all of the evidence which has been presented and return shortly with my decision…

NARRATOR

Guard Captain Robin Jenson suddenly enters the courtroom and approaches the Magistrate. He turns to face her.

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Sorry to interrupt, your Honor, but I just wanted to update you on the search for the other two Obsidian agents. It seems that my men have been unable to locate them in the underground sewer system, although we have confirmed that they did indeed enter it after they escaped from the Market Square and have not resurfaced since then.

MAGISTRATE
Hmm…They must have some sort of hidden base down there, but we don’t have sufficient manpower to mount a more thorough search…

FRED
Perhaps Harry and I could be of assistance in this matter?

MAGISTRATE
How so? Do you know the precise location of the secret Obsidian base?

FRED
No, but Harry and I know the underground sewer system better than anybody else in PaxLair and could help narrow your search to a handful of probable locations…in exchange for having the charges against us dismissed.

MAGISTRATE (angry)
You are in position to bargain!

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Your Honor, we have nothing to lose…and time is of the essence.

MAGISTRATE
Very well then. I will suspend the proceedings pending the outcome of the search. Guards, you will accompany the two prisoners during the search. Is that clear?

GUARDS HARRY DARKWOLF & # 2
Yes, your Honor!

MAGISTRATE
Proceed!

NARRATOR
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON bows, then turns around and exits the courtroom. GUARDS HARRY DARKWOLF & # 2 leave their posts and walk over to the defendants’ table.

GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF (growling)
Come with us! Don’t try to escape or you’ll end up dead! Understand?

NARRATOR
Both FRED and HARRY get up and nod. They exit the courtroom in single file, with GUARD HARRY DARKWOLF in the lead, followed by FRED, then HARRY, and finally GUARD # 2.

NARRATOR
No one notices the DEFENSE ATTORNEY briefly smile as her two clients are led away. I can’t believe I was actually paid to throw this case, she thinks to herself. Easiest 5,000 gold I ever made…

END OF SCENE VI

(Insert music track.)

NARRATOR
SCENE VII

Sometime later, at the secret underground base of the Order of the Ebon Dawn in the PaxLair sewer system, Alisha and D’Var plot their next move…

ALISHA
The rest of our members should be here in about half an hour, master.

D’VAR
Good. Have you checked on the human sacrifices?

ALISHA
Yes. They are still groggy from the drugs but appear to be in good health.
Camulus should be returning shortly with the twelve Naguri Blood Daggers needed for the ritual.

D’VAR
Excellent! Nothing can stop us now!

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE suddenly appears at the right doorway with spell components in hand, while GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON appears at the left doorway with her two handed flaming sword drawn.

MAGISTRATE
I wouldn’t count on that, D’VAR!

NARRATOR
D’VAR turns to face the MAGISTRATE while ALISHA turns to face GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON.

D’VAR (taunting)
Well, if it isn’t Oracle Senior Agent John Smith! So it seems that you’ve finally found me. Are you going to arrest me for what I did to your little brother?

MAGISTRATE (angry)
You bastard! Killing him wasn’t enough, was it? You had to turn him into a freaking zombie! I still remember that day I came home five years ago to find him munching on my wife’s brains. I had to choke back the tears as I decapitated poor Robert…

D’VAR (sneering)
I’m not going to apologize for my actions! Your brother deserved to be punished for leading that attack on my main base in Solania! I lost nearly half of my followers in that attack, including my only son, Kordesh. Afterwards, I was forced to set up several smaller bases, including the one here in PaxLair…

MAGISTRATE (angry)
No, I’m NOT going to arrest you, D’VAR! GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON and I are going to make sure that you and ALISHA pay for your crimes …with your lives!

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE casts Flame Arrow at D’VAR!

(Insert “Flame Arrow” sound effect.)

D’VAR
Argh!

NARRATOR
D’VAR casts DEATH RAY at the MAGISTRATE.

(Insert “Ghost Breath” sound effect.)

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON (bellowing)
Time to eliminate the Dakari Sisterhood of Assassins once and for all!

NARRATOR
CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON charges towards ALISHA!

(Insert “Rage of Blades” sound effect.)

ALISHA manages to dodge and deflect CAPTAIN JENSON’S attacks and manages to stab her in the stomach with one of her twin short swords!

(Insert “Stab” sound effect.)

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Uh…

ALISHA (taunting)
Ha! You’re going to have to do far better than that if expect to defeat me!

D’VAR (yelling)
Feel my power!

NARRATOR
D’VAR casts several LIGHTNING bolts at the MAGISTRATE!

(Insert “Thunder Sound FX” sound effect)

MAGISTRATE
Argh…

NARRATOR
ALISHA uses an OFFHAND ATTACK on GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON, who counters with a REND attack!

ALISHA
Uh….

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE runs up to D’VAR and hits him in the jaw with FLAME FIST!
(Insert “Torch” sound effect)

D’VAR
Ur..!

NARRATOR
D’VAR casts GUST!

(Insert first ten seconds of “Wind” Sound Effect.)

The MAGISTRATE is forced back!

Meanwhile, ALISHA unleashes a WHIRLING BLADES attack, but GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON counters with a COUP de GRACE attack!

The MAGISTRATE casts a large fireball at D’VAR!

(Insert “Large Fireball” sound effect)

D’VAR casts DOUSE, then runs up to MAGISTRATE and hits him with DEATH TOUCH!

(Insert “Ghost Breath” sound effect.)

D’VAR (surprised)
Prepare to die! What my SUMMON LICH spell fizzled?!

MAGISTRATE
Too bad for you! Burn foul sorcerer!

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE casts IMMOLATE on D’VAR!

(Insert “Fire Burning” sound effect.)

D’VAR
Argh…!

NARRATOR
D’VAR falls to the ground!

(Insert “Fall” sound effect.)

NARRATOR
MAGISTRATE approaches and examines the body. D’VAR suddenly springs to his feet and casts DEATH FIELD!
(Insert “Ghost 1” sound effect.)

D’VAR (snarling)
I’m taking you with me to the Underworld! My followers will carry on my work. The Obsidians will rise again!

MAGISTRATE
Uh…

NARRATOR
The MAGISTRATE fall to the ground – dead!

(Insert “Fall” sound effect.)

D’VAR
Oh damn…

NARRATOR
D’VAR dies too!

(Insert “Fall” sound effect.)

NARRATOR
Guard Captain Robin Jenson does not notice Alisha press a button on her sword hilts, which cause a thin green liquid to coat her blades.
ALISHA uses a REND attack on GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON. GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON staggers back and falls to her knees!

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON (gasping)
Poison? You fight without honor!

ALISHA (mocking)
Of course not! I am an assassin. I do whatever it takes to win!

ALISHA (gloating)
I am going to mount your head on my wall!

NARRATOR
ALISHA does not notice SARAH materialize behind with her dagger drawn after using Silent Movement.

SARAH (yelling)
I think not! Die, Obsidian witch!

NARRATOR
SARAH slashes ALISHA in the back. ALISHA falls to the ground dead.

(Insert “Fall” sound effect.)

SARAH approaches GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON and casts PURIFY and then HEALING RAY on her.

(Insert ‘Purify” and “Healing Ray” sound effects.)

NARRATOR
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON breathes a sigh of relief as she stands up.

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
I feel much better now. Thank you for saving me, Sarah!

SARAH
You’re welcome…big sister!

NARRATOR
GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON walks over to the MAGISTRATE’s body.

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
My poor Ian…

SARAH
Ian died a hero, taking down a mighty foe of the Oracle. It is vital that we carry on his work, so his sacrifice will not have been in vain…

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON (angry)
Yes. I will make sure that all of the Obsidians operating here in PaxLair are rounded up tonight and sent to the guillotine tomorrow! It’s a good thing that our town crier and executioner Ray already has several spare guillotine blades sharpened and ready for use…

SARAH
I managed to free the drugged prisoners, including our dear brother. They are being escorted back to the surface by the Guard Sergeant and a couple of his men. The rest of the guards will remain in position and apprehend any Ebon Dawn cult members who approach the sacrificial chamber. Now, why don’t you say we get out of here, big sister?

GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON
Sounds good to me…

NARRATOR
Both SARAH and GUARD CAPTAIN ROBIN JENSON exit the chamber.

END OF SCENE VII

(Insert music track.)

SCENE VIII

NARRATOR
Sunset, the next day…

FRED
So, Harry, did you hear what happened to poor Nash?

HARRY
Yeah. I heard he was incinerated by a fireball cast by the cook, Ryu, right in front of the lunch time crowd! I’m not sure what drove him to do it though. Apparently, Ryu died in the ensuing melee with the city guards.

FRED
The word is that Ryu found out this morning that his son wasn’t really his! It seems that Nash and Chun-Li have been having an affair behind his back for the past 1 ½ years…

HARRY
Wow, I had no idea…

FRED
It was rather nice of Guard Captain Jenson to drop all charges and release us from custody…

HARRY
Yes, but the damage is done. That stupid guard from the courthouse, Harry Darkwolf, got drunk at Wody’s last night and blabbed about the trial to all those assembled there. One of the bar patrons told Gertrude about my affair with Sarah and she threw me out of the house…

FRED
Yeah, and now no one in town seems to want do business with us. It seems that even being named as a suspected Obsidian spy is enough to destroy one’s reputation…

HARRY
I think that we’ve outstayed our welcome in PaxLair. Time for us to move on. Any suggestions?

FRED
Well, I hear that the metropolis of Vengeance is looking for vendors…

HARRY
Isn’t that located at the northern end of the Grunvald desert? You know I can’t stand extreme heat! Besides, I’ve heard that Vengeance is a very dangerous place to live…

FRED
Look on the bright side, old friend! An isolated place like that presents plenty of opportunities for two clever guys like us…

HARRY
I guess so…

NARRATOR
Both FRED and HARRY walk off into the sunset…

SOUND EFFECT CREDITS

All sound effects used in this production are licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported
(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)

The following sound effects can be found at:
http://soundbible.com

“Strong Punch” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Flashbang” – Recorded by Kibblesbob
“Flame Arrow” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Stab” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Thunder Sound FX” – Recorded by Grant Evans
“Torch” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Wind” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Large Fireball” – Recorded by Mike Koenig
“Fire Burning” – Recorded by JaBa

The following sound effects can be found at:
http://opengameart.org

“Fall” – Recorded by remaxim
“Ghost Breath” – Recorded by qubodup
“Ghost 1” – Recorded by qubodup

MUSIC CREDITS

Topher Mohr and Alex Elena – Stalling
Bensound – Sexy http://www.bensound.com/royalty-free-music
Topher Mohr and Alex Elena – Golden Days
Orbital Music – https://goo.gl/NhQplR
Danny Olson – If I lose Myself tonight – https://soundcloud.com/dannyolsonmusic
Tobu – Dreams – http://7obu.com
DasDeer – Dysfunctional, Flawed, and Free – https://soundcloud.com/simon_hjort/dysfunctional-flawed-and-free
The Rite of Ashi – https://goo.gl/KOvxKj
Peter Grundy – The One Who Dwells Within – https://www.facebook.com/PeterGundryOfficial
Peter Grundy – When Darkness Shines Brightest – www.facebook.com/PeterGundryOfficial
Michael Ghelfi – Of Fire and Steam – https://soundcloud.com/michael-ghelfi

The following tracks can be found at machinima sound – https://machinimasound.com
Land of the Wizard
Escape from The Temple
Incursion
Rallying The Defense
Setting Sail
End Game
Resurrection
Damnation
Exigence
Battle of Kings
Digital Fortress
Hyperborean Menace
Olympos

THE END

March 5 2017

Conversations in Paxlair – by the NBTT

The New Britannia Theater Troupe Presents

Conversations in Paxlair

Written by Womby

Produced and directed by Asclepius

Music supervisor and director of Public Relations Amber Raine

Stage Manager and Technical Director Sir Stile Teckel

Voice Cast

Doctor Shroud as Harry
Lord Baldrith as Fred
Lady Adnor as Citizen 1
Asclepius as Citizen 2
Cordelayne Valkaris as Guard
Sophi as Christine
Jynx as Oracle Agent
Amber Raine as Sarah

And Asclepius as the narrator

Narrator
Every day, the market square in Paxlair is a bustling center of activity. Stallholders stand ready to sell their wares, trying to catch the attention of passersby. However, what seems to be a typical day at the market, with innocent and hard-working merchants, can be something quite different beneath the surface. Let us listen in for a moment to the adventures of three such merchants. Fred and Harry are at their stalls, chatting to each other in between selling priceless treasures to customers. Sarah, at an adjoining stall, is quietly going about her business.

Harry
Fresh fish, get yer fresh fish here. Caught this morning in Spindrift Bay. Look into their eyes and see how fresh they are!

Narrator
A well-dressed lady approaches Harry’s stall and catches his eye.

Harry
You Madam, one glance at your impressive attire tells me that you have exquisite taste. It is so refreshing to encounter a person of such refinement. Only one such as yourself could possibly have a palate sufficiently refined to appreciate the delicate flavours of my exclusive produce. Take these extremely rare Wobbegong fillets, for example. Caught fresh this morning.

Citizen 1
I’m not familiar with the Wobbegong. What breed of fish is that?

Harry
I’m not surprised that you have not heard of it madam, for it is an extremely rare delicacy, and dangerous to capture. This very catch took the lives of two fishermen. Naturally when I heard of this I immediately bought the catch and notified a certain gentleman who lives on a hill not far from here. Professional discretion of course prevents me from revealing his name, but he has a standing order for any items of exceptional rarity and taste that I secure. He will be serving Wobbegong as the main course at his banquet this evening. Fortunately for you I kept four fillets with the intention of surprising my wife. Sadly she was unexpectedly called away to tend to her sick mother. I am therefore prepared to part with them for a mere 500 gold apiece. That is considerably less than I received from a certain gentleman whose name I cannot mention, but you impress me, and I am prepared to let them go at cost.

Citizen 1
Well, I do feel like I deserve something a little special. All right, I’ll take your remaining fillets.

Narrator
As his customer departs, Harry turns to Fred

Fred
Where was I? Oh yes. So anyhow, there I was hiding in the wardrobe hurriedly putting on my pants when Dagnar comes racing up the stairs and bursts into the room, accusing his wife of infidelity. I can hear him noisily searching everywhere while he berates his wife, so I open the wardrobe door and wave to him. While he’s standing there looking half-furious, half-confused, I say, “Ah, thank goodness you’ve arrived. The Oracle has an important job for you.”.

Harry
You certainly like to live dangerously Fred. What happened next?

Fred
Well, fortunately Dagnar’s curiosity overcame his anger, and rather than attacking me he paused, saying “What is the meaning of this? You have five seconds to explain yourself before I turn you into sausage meat.”

Narrator
A man wanders through the market place and pauses in front of Fred’s stall.

Fred
Good morning sir, can I interest you in the freshest produce in the entire vale? Just this morning we received a rare, limited shipment of these incredible new dorick seeds, which are selling fast. I suggest you act quickly if you don’t want to miss out.

Citizen 2
What’s a dorick?

Fred
You haven’t heard? The plant they grow into produces incredible fruit. They are unlike anything you’ve ever tried before, and they keep for ages. An ideal snack at more refined parties, or they can be used as a nutritious lightweight provision on long journeys.

Citizen 2
Can you show me their fruit?

Fred
If only I could! Sadly the fruit are always sold out within minutes of obtaining a new supply. If someone were to plant and harvest these I would pay good money for a steady supply. I would do it myself, but sadly I do not own land.

Citizen 2
Hmm. How much for your entire collection of seeds?

Fred
The entire collection? Well, I guess I could let them go for 1000 gold, but I would be very reluctant to do so. I would need a guarantee that I would get first refusal on the purchase of any fruit that they produce.

Citizen 2
That seems fair. Agreed. Here you go.

Narrator
As the customer departs. Fred turns back to Harry

Harry
So what happened next?

Fred
Well, as you know, Dagnar is not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I turned to him and said, “What I am about to tell you is top secret information, and I can only reveal it if you agree to assist the Oracle in an operation of the utmost secrecy and importance.”

Naturally he wasn’t about to turn down what he thought was a direct request from the Oracle, so he nodded in acquiescence. I then asked if he agreed to serve the Oracle faithfully and without question, and never to reveal anything that he learned in her service.

Dagnar replied “I do,” at which point I told him that the occupant of the row house next door was a member of a banned Obsidian group, and was no doubt plotting an insurrection. I told him that I was one of two operatives that the Oracle intended to place in row houses on either side of the subject’s home, and that Dagnar’s wardrobe was ideally placed to enable me to observe him. Naturally I would need access to the wardrobe during the day so that I could observe the subject using a small hole drilled through the wall. I added that the Oracle would look favourably on him for providing assistance in this matter.

Harry
He bought it?

Fred
Hook, line and sinker. To this day I regularly visit his wife while he is away at work, and provide him with frequent updates on the progress of the evil Obsidian plot. Speaking of evil plots Harry, did you ever discover why the house next to yours is haunted?

Harry
Indeed, and a rather odd tale it is. As you know, the sounds from that house have been keeping me up for weeks. Since it is at the end of the street, and thus has no other neighbours, I have been the only one to suffer. Getting the local guard to take an interest proved fruitless, so I decided to investigate on my own.

Fred
And to think only a few minutes ago you accused me of living dangerously. Go on…

Harry
Well, since the house has been unoccupied for years, I figured the chances of the owner turning up were minimal, and forced a window to gain entry. The front room was pitch dark, and I dared not use a light spell for fear of attracting a passing guard. Fortunately, all these row houses share an identical layout, so I began to slowly feel my way up the stairs. It was at that moment that I heard the eerie sound that had woken me every night for weeks, coming from the top floor.

Narrator
At this point a guard enters walking purposefully to Harry’s stall. He is accompanied by a mature woman, who is dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief.

Harry
Greetings citizens, how may I help you this fine day? I have only the freshest fish for sale, caught this morning in Spindrift Bay. Look into their eyes and see how fresh they are!

Guard
Is this the one?

Christine
Yes, that’s him. He used to have a stall in Owl’s Head, until he was chased out of town. This is the evil snake who promised to marry my daughter, and then skipped town with the dowry.

Guard
What do you have to say for yourself, citizen?

Harry
Ah, Roland. Roland, Roland Roland. I love my identical twin brother dearly, but he leads a troubled life. I have tried many times to place him on the right path, but I fear that we are destined to be complete opposites. Why only last week, as I was donating food to the poor, I thought of him. I wondered if there was not some way that I had overlooked, whereby I could have steered him towards a path of virtue.

Christine
Ha! What a preposterous tale! Only an idiot would believe you have an identical twin brother. There is no doubting that you are the despicably cad who broke the heart of my poor, weeping daughter. It is a tragedy that in this so-called enlightened metropolis, being the rear end of a Kobold is not a capital offence.

Guard
I have an identical twin brother. He is a great disappointment to the family.

Harry
Please believe me lady when I tell you how mortified I am that your poor daughter has been yet another victim of my despicable brother. Much as it pains me to say this, I really hope that he can be caught and punished before he brings more misery to the world.

Guard
Aye. I know how you feel. My brother Reginald has done untold damage to our family name. Please let me know if you hear of Roland’s whereabouts.

Narrator
The guard nods curtly at Harry and starts to walk away.

Christine
What? You believed that drivel? Come back and arrest the lying scoundrel!

Narrator
Christine wrings her hands in frustration and hurries off after the guard.

Fred
I believe you were ascending the stairs. Please continue…

Harry
Indeed. After cautiously inching my way up the stairs I eventually reached the top floor. With each step the sound had been growing louder, but as I reached the top of the stairs it suddenly stopped. The door to the front room was open, and a thin shaft of moonlight forced its way through a dirty, broken window, allowing me to barely discern some vague shapes. I tiptoed towards the room from whence I was certain the sound had come. Reaching the door I peered inside. In the far corner of the room I could see a dark, huddled shape with a single glowing eye. Gathering my courage I forced myself to approach the strange beast, and it was then that I discovered the true nature of my nightly tormentor.

Fred
Go on…

Harry
It was an aether vibration amplifier, sitting on a bedside table. A small rodent had taken up residence inside, and its nocturnal ventures occasionally switched the device on or off. Since it was not tuned to a station, the result was the strange hissing sound that had been waking me up at night.

Fred
[SARCASTIC] Great story Harry. Terrific climax. Now I know how your wife feels. Anyhow, there goes the sun. Shall we pack up and adjourn to Wody’s?

Harry
Of course. Why should today be any different from every other day?

Narrator
Harry and Fred pack up their wares and head off toward Wody’s Tavern, chuckling as they go.
Meanwhile, a mysterious person approaches Sarah’s stall.

Oracle Agent
The Oracle needs your report, agent Sarah.

Sarah
As directed, I have observed the behaviour of Fred and Harry. It appears that Fred has been spreading misinformation about the Oracle, and I overheard him mention an Obsidian plot. Harry has been breaking and entering houses in PaxLair.

Oracle Agent
Excellent work, agent Sarah. I think they both warrant closer scrutiny. They may very well be instigators of a serious plot against the Oracle. Commencing tomorrow, agents McQuade and Walker will begin around the clock surveillance. Rest assured that if these two turn out to be Obsidian agents, they will both be taken care of…